Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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