i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm so fucking centered right now
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
