so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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