he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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