The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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