Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize