They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
