fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
