Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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