Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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