Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
why do cheetos always look like penises
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
As shirtless as possible
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
