My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
