That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
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