Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
