if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
