My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize