That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
