wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
