I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
