Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I can't put those talents on a resume
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
