My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
