I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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