??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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