Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
