What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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