Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
