this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize