omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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