I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
