So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
