Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
