Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
