Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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