You smell like stripper and shame
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
