i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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