if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
