she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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