We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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