My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
