It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
