Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Success! We fucked roommates!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize