after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
