Me too!
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Randomize
