she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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