I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
