Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Randomize
