You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
