are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Your mouth is God's brothel.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
