He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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