i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
