i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
