Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
