So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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