So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
