I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
this hospital has no fireball
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
