I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Sober January is a disaster.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
