I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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