is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
