i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
