I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I supernannyed him into submission
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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