Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
