There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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