Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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