He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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