My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
My first STD was from a foam party
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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