so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
