A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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