Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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