i think i have herpe
just one?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
