when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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