it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
