I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
