There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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