I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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