Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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