After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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