I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize