You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My hand turned me down
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
