i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
