i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Why did my mother make you get naked?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
