I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
