I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
